> whoami

Lao Zhu_

老朱

role: credit_quant_trader @ BARCLAYS
location: SHANGHAI → PARIS → LONDON → SINGAPORE
balance: badminton ×2 / week
fuel: green_tea(day) | beer(night)
owned_by: [DOUDOU, BOBO, COCO]

laozhu.jpg✓

// personnel_file

subject: LAO ZHU

base: SINGAPORE

spawned: 1994

root@home: denied — see bosses ↓

BOSSES AT HOME

∞

CUPS OF TEA

2×

BADMINTON / WEEK

DOTA2 HOURS

REGION: SGP (HUMID, HAPPY) ★NO MODEL SURVIVES THE MARKET ★FUEL: 龙井 (NOT COFFEE) ★DEPENDENCIES: 2 CATS, 1 TODDLER ★MIGRATION LOG: SHA → PAR → LDN → SGP ★BUILD PARTNER: CLAUDE ★BEER: POST-MARKET CLOSE ★

> cat timeline.log

System Log

1994

SPAWN.SH

Born in Shanghai. Build stable since day one.

2005–12

SFLS.SH

7 years at Shanghai Foreign Language School.

2012–18

PARIS.FR

6y in France:
2y Lycée Janson de Sailly
4y École Centrale Paris.
Baguettes compiled successfully.

2019

BARCLAYS.LDN

Credit algo quant, London.
Backtests love it, the market decides.

2021

BOBO.ATTACH

1st British Shorthair onboarded, London office.

2023

RELOCATE.SGP

Barclays Singapore.
Humidity: 100%, regrets: 0%.

2025

COCO.ATTACH ×2

2nd cat joins. Fur risk now fully unhedged.

2025.04

DOUDOU.SPAWN ★

Daughter arrives. Root access granted immediately.

> top — household processes, sorted by authority

The Bosses

doudou 兜兜

PID 001 · b. 2025.04 · CPU 99% · root

Mischievous, adorable, in charge. Everyone else in this house is staff.

bobo

PID 002 · brit shorthair · est. 2021 LDN

Senior cat. Fights his brother daily, then naps on your keyboard. Very sweet, very clingy.

coco

PID 003 · brit shorthair · est. 2025 SGP

Junior cat. Instigates the fights, loses the fights, still purrs at bedtime.

> ./run leisure --all

Off Duty

proc_01

BADMINTON

Twice a week, every week.
Non-negotiable calendar block.

proc_02

GREEN TEA 绿茶

Chinese only: 龙井，碧螺春，翠芽.
The real desk fuel — coffee not found.

proc_03

FORMULA 1

Sunday religion. Favourite driver: Oscar. Calm laps, cold blood.

proc_04

DOTA 2

5000+ hours. Pudge main — fresh meat since forever.
Hooks land more often than not.

proc_05

KARAOKE

Rap, ballads, rock — the full stack.
Go-to encore: I Believe I Can Fly.

proc_06 · after 18:00

BEER

The close-of-play ritual. Must be cold, must be shared.

proc_07 · new

BUILDING W/ CLAUDE

Latest hobby: shipping projects with Claude. Feels like leading a 20-person tech team — except nobody argues back. This site is exhibit A.

Baby Tracker

The Racket

Lao Zhu_

System Log

The Bosses

Off Duty

Say Hi